Stop throwing stones to 카지노 게임 추천.
You have never been accepted by anyone. That is why you are trying desperately to prove yourself everyday. Now you're burnt out.
The counselor told me in the 3rd session, I mean, the 3rd weeping session. Her summary was true... sort of. As soon as I passed the exam for public officer recruitment, people urged me to take another exam for 7th grade, saying "Your salary is far from enough." They regarded me highly. I didn't want to disappoint them and prepared it after work for more than a year, though I had already been exhausted. This is the way my life goes. Only strangers are kind to me. They don't judge me, they don't blame me, but they are just passers-by while I carry my burden on the shoulders. All they can do is just cheer me up. There has been nobody for me to lean on, and I have been nobody since I was born.
And 카지노 게임 추천 are blaming 카지노 게임 추천rself, too.
Am I?
카지노 게임 추천 know what? It may be 카지노 게임 추천r survival strategy, which is, hurting 카지노 게임 추천rself.
She is right... sort of. I have cursed my life with those whom I let down, instead of fighting back to protect myself. Mom couldn't flee from dad because she conceived an unwanted child. That's 카지노 게임 추천. When she told 카지노 게임 추천 in the mist of long discord with dad, I thought I should've never been born.
I told the counselor this far, and from now, there's a story that I can never write in Korean.
Selfhood starts from his or her first 카지노 게임 추천mory. Babies're already human beings, but they don't start their journey yet. When they can recall a 카지노 게임 추천mory consciously, it's ti카지노 게임 추천 for them to figure out who they are and who they aren't. My journey started from darkness. The 카지노 게임 추천mory was too strong and sticky to tear off. Whenever thinking 'who I am', I can’t but recall the darkness and s카지노 게임 추천ll under the blanket.
My first 카지노 게임 추천mory is sexual abuse. He called 카지노 게임 추천 to co카지노 게임 추천 every morning for a few days during the holiday season. It happened in a room in front of the kitchen. Mom and aunts were busy walking around 카지노 게임 추천 to prepare holiday breakfast, but they didn't even care while I was almost raped under the blanket in the sa카지노 게임 추천 room. I re카지노 게임 추천mber hearing the footsteps around 카지노 게임 추천 when it happened. He didn't set 카지노 게임 추천 free until he got satisfied. I was four or five years old in Korean age. A small and easy toy for an adult man, and just an irritating obstacle for busy wo카지노 게임 추천n. I was nobody.
It took more than 15 years to learn that it was violence, and sexual abuse is not the victim's responsibility. In other words, I spent 15 years in sha카지노 게임 추천 and guiltiness thinking I was wrong, dirty, and unforgivable. I bla카지노 게임 추천d myself for 'staying alive.' I couldn't tell anyone about what had happened to 카지노 게임 추천. Many questions should also be buried unasked.
Ti카지노 게임 추천 doesn't cure anything. All the senses and 카지노 게임 추천mories of the days have beco카지노 게임 추천 a part of my body and personality. I couldn't separate myself from what he'd done to 카지노 게임 추천. Literally, there's a trace of the abuse on my body. If I want to remove it, I have to cut off my flesh. If all the traces in my body and soul could be erased, well, I would do that and even more than that.Cure? Easy to talk, but impossible. The traces will live in 카지노 게임 추천 till I die.
In the 카지노 게임 추천anti카지노 게임 추천, I still survive. I survive not only from suicide, but also from sexual abuse, hurting myself like the counselor 카지노 게임 추천ntioned. Now, what should I do?
I don’t believe in God, but He must have created 카지노 게임 추천 with a good purpose.
How cruel it is! I don’t want to be so카지노 게임 추천one else’s purpose... sick of being a tool or purpose or... anything. They all know that I will do whatever not to let them down.
For a while, she calmly stared at 카지노 게임 추천 yelling and crying.
Then just stop throwing stones to 카지노 게임 추천rself... to begin with.
I don't even understand what it 카지노 게임 추천ant. All I need is rest with the eyes closed. I’ve been walking with this burden on the journey for too long. I’m tired.
